


without the games

by softjace (hhwgv)



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, M/M, Pining, Practice Kissing, Spin the Bottle, Truth or Dare
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-09
Updated: 2017-02-09
Packaged: 2018-09-23 03:29:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9638942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hhwgv/pseuds/softjace
Summary: The pounding in Simon’s chest got louder and louder, his heart flip-flopped when Jace rested his hand gently on the back of his neck and pressed their lips together. The kiss was warm and gentle and not at all like Simon had anticipated. It was softer and sweeter than he thought Jace was capable of.ORthe three times Simon convinced himself that kissing Jace meant nothing and the time he realized that he was wrong.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Intangibel (duskbutterfly)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/duskbutterfly/gifts).



> First of all, I'm gifting this work to [Bel](http://intangibel.tumblr.com/) to (hopefully) make up for not finishing the Shadowhunters Beta Net's Winter Exchange fic that I was supposed to write with her (this fic is better anyway, so I hope you like it!
> 
> A big thank you goes out to [Bern](http://tothebitterbetterend.tumblr.com/) and [Victoria](http://bookwhipped.tumblr.com/) for beta-ing this for me! You guys were so, so helpful!

**ONE;**

Pop music blared from the radio as all of the partygoers arranged themselves into a circle on the floor in the Lightwoods’ basement. Simon grabbed a can of soda from the table in the corner, which held a half-eaten birthday cake and a variety of drinks and candy that had previously been arranged into neat piles, before wedging himself into the space between Clary and Alec. He didn’t say anything because it was Isabelle’s birthday party but, in his opinion, sixteen was too old to play spin the bottle. Part of the reason was because he’d never actually kissed anyone before, but there was no way he was going to admit that. He’d practiced with his pillow before, another thing that he wasn’t going to admit – boy, had that been embarrassing when Rebecca walked in on him – and he’d fantasized about kissing someone, of course. It had just never happened.

Simon fidgeted nervously as Isabelle leaned forward to take her turn – _birthday girl first!_ – and his heart pounded in his chest as the end of the bottle crawled past him and finally landed on Clary. He tried not to seem too interested when Clary and Izzy’s lips met, although he wasn’t sure that it was really working.

They kept going around the circle and Simon could feel the tension building inside of him. He felt relieved every time the bottle landed on someone else – even though he knew that it would just make things worse when it got to his turn. When Clary and Lydia spun it landed on Jace, when Jace spun it landed on Maureen, when Maureen spun it landed on Meliorn, and when Meliorn spun it landed on Alec. Before long, everyone had kissed and been kissed except for Simon. He could practically feel their eyes on him as he took his turn spinning the bottle.

Simon could barely watch as it slowed. He didn’t know who he wanted it to land on – honestly, he didn’t think he wanted it to point to any of them, but that wasn’t how the game worked. The idea of having his first kiss in front of all his closest friends was mortifying and the fact that it would be _with_ one of them made it so much worse.

The end of the bottle was pointing directly at Jace when it stopped and, as soon as it did, Simon felt heat rushing to his cheeks. He knew that the kiss wouldn’t mean anything – Jace had already kissed three people over the course of the game – but Simon’s heart was still pounding and his hands were shaking ever so slightly, hopefully unnoticeable to everyone else.

Jace’s face looked flushed as he leaned across the circle towards Simon, who felt a twist in his stomach at the prospect of kissing Jace. He heard Lydia giggle as the gap between his and Jace’s lips got smaller and smaller – he tried to ignore it but it was enough to make him pause. He was already self-conscious about kissing someone and trying desperately to pretend that he wasn’t.

The pounding in Simon’s chest got louder and louder, his heart flip-flopped when Jace rested his hand gently on the back of his neck and pressed their lips together. The kiss was warm and gentle and not at all like Simon had anticipated. It was softer and sweeter than he thought Jace was capable of. They pulled apart and Simon felt dazed as he sat back in his spot. Clary smirked and nudged him in the side – Simon scowled in response and Izzy and Maureen laughed, shattering any of the illusions he’d had about the others not knowing that it was his first kiss. The game continued with Alec kissing Meliorn again and Simon stealing glances at Jace – more specifically, Jace’s lips.

‘ _Stupid,_ ’ Simon told himself, ‘ _stupid, stupid, stupid.’_ The kiss was meaningless, he needed to remember that.

 

**TWO;**

Golden sun filtered through Simon’s bedroom window, where he and Jace had their homework spread out on the floor. He absentmindedly chewed on the end of his pencil as he looked over the questions that their science teacher had assigned them earlier that day. Simon glanced over at Jace – who was lying on his stomach, looking like an angel in the soft afternoon light – and he couldn’t help but think about the kiss at Izzy’s birthday party.

Simon tried to focus on his half of the questions – he was doing evens and Jace was doing odds – but all he could think about was Jace’s lips pressed against his. It had been just over two weeks since the party and Clary still hadn’t stopped teasing him. He wanted to talk about it with Jace, but he couldn’t think of a way to bring it up casually.

The more Simon thought about it, the hardest it was to keep the questions inside. “How many people have you kissed? Who was your first kiss? Am I a bad kisser?” Simon blurted out. The words ran together and there was hardly any space between the words.

Jace looked up at Simon, a smile playing at the corners of his lips. “Why?” he asked, “Are you planning on kissing a lot of people?” He sat up, watching Simon intently.

Simon avoided Jace’s gaze – which was a mix of amused and interested – his cheeks were on fire. This was a bad idea, he never should have said anything. “Just forget it,” he muttered, going back to pretending to do his homework.

“No,” Jace replied. “No way.” He scooted closer to Simon, so close that their knees brushed. “Who do you want to kiss?” He grinned, enjoying the fact that he was making Simon squirm.

“No one,” Simon answered, shoving Jace playfully. “Get back to work,” he said, pointing at Jace’s notebook and smiling despite himself. Jace didn’t say anything, but he still had an infuriating smile on his face.

“Not until you tell me who you plan on kissing.” Jace was obviously not going to drop the subject and Simon definitely regretted bringing it up.

“No one!” Simon repeated, his voice getting louder. He could feel his face burning as he continued. “I was just wondering if I was any good because…” he paused, dropping his voice so it was barely above a whisper and focusing his gaze on his hands, “you were my first kiss.” The last part came out in a rush, like it was all one word.

Simon looked up at Jace and their eyes met – there was something mischievous twinkling in their depths. “Yeah, Clary told me,” he admitted. Silence stretched between them and Simon wanted to say something but he didn’t know what. Before he’d thought of something, Jace spoke again. “You were pretty good at kissing, considering it was your first time.” There was another brief pause. “If you want to practice, I’ve been told that I’m a fantastic teacher,” Jace said with a suggestive smirk.

Simon must have misheard. There was no way Jace was offering what he thought he was offering. “W…what?” Simon stammered.

Jace laughed and Simon felt his heart do a flip. “You can practice kissing with me if you want,” Jace repeated. “It’s only fair of me. I mean, I _was_ your first kiss,” he elaborated, running his fingers through his hair.

Simon stared at him for a moment, his eyes lingering on Jace’s lips. Before he could even fully comprehend the situation, he agreed.

Jace grinned and moved even closer – something Simon hadn’t thought possible. Butterflies fluttered in Simon’s stomach as Jace’s hands cupped his face gently. Their lips met softly and Simon felt like he was melting – into Jace, _because_ of Jace.

This time was different than the first time they kissed – there was no one watching, it wasn’t part of a game, and there was a tenderness that hadn’t been there before. Jace’s hand trailed along the side of Simon’s neck, sending goosebumps down his spine.

Simon wrapped his arms around Jace’s waist, pulling him closer as he kissed Jace back with an intensity he didn’t know he possessed. He got so wrapped up in Jace – the way he smelled and the way he tasted – that he didn’t hear the footsteps outside of his door or his sister slowly opening it.

Rebecca cleared her throat from the doorway and Jace and Simon pulled apart like they’d been burned.

“What, uh, what are you guys doing?” she asked, a teasing grin on her face.

“Nothing,” Simon retorted – fully aware that Rebecca had seen enough to know exactly what was happening. “Get out of my room,” he stood up and slammed the door, but he could hear Rebecca laughing in the hallway.

“Sorry,” Simon muttered to Jace as he flopped back down onto the floor.

“No problem,” Jace smiled. “We should probably get back to work anyway,” he suggested, moving away from Simon to lie down in front of his textbook again.

“Yeah,” Simon nodded, going back to his work. They did their homework in relative silence until they’d finished all of it and Jace had to go home for dinner.

Rebecca teased Simon about it after Jace left and Simon told her the same thing he’d been telling himself since it happened.

“ _It didn’t mean anything._ ”

 

**THREE;**

Bright orange sparks crawled into the night sky and laughter echoed throughout Simon’s back yard – summer was quickly coming to a close and they wanted to have one last party before school started again. Simon wasn’t sure who had suggested it, and he wasn’t sure why he didn’t opt out, but before he realized what was happening, they were playing truth or dare.

“Simon!” Clary exclaimed after completing her dare, “Truth or dare?”

Simon thought it over for a moment. He knew what the question would be if he chose truth – Clary had been trying to get him to admit his crush on Jace since before summer began – but he was sure that Clary would find a way to get him to admit it either way. “Dare?” he chose, preparing himself for something awkward.

Clary exchanged a glace with Izzy that said “ _I told you so_ ” before turning her attention back to Simon. “I dare you to kiss the hottest boy here,” she said without skipping a beat, a knowing smile on her face. she was trying to force him to kiss Jace again – Simon regretted ever telling her about the moment in her bedroom – and for a moment Simon considered kissing Raj or Meliorn, just to ruin her plan.

But Simon wanted to kiss Jace again. Badly.

He didn’t want to kiss someone in front of all his friends again. It had been awkward enough the first time – although this wouldn’t be his first kiss, so it wasn’t quite as mortifying. Simon took a deep breath and pushed himself up out of his lawn chair. He didn’t want to make a beeline towards Jace, but he wanted to get the damn thing over with. He was hyper-aware of everything – the way his heart was pounding in his chest, the hot flush of his cheeks (although he tried to blame that on the bon fire) – as he carefully made his way around the circle. Maureen giggled when he walked past her and Simon shot her a glare before he stopped in front of Jace.

“I knew you’d choose me,” Jace said with a cocky grin as he stood up.

“Don’t make me regret it,” Simon muttered quietly, unable to stop himself from smiling too. Before Jace could say anything else, Simon leaned in and pressed a kiss to Jace’s waiting lips. It was quick, chaste, and Clary groaned when they pulled apart. “That wasn’t a kiss!” she exclaimed, “Really kiss him, Simon!”

“You heard her,” Jace murmured, tilting his head slightly, the ghost of a laugh in his voice. He kissed Simon again and it felt like everyone else just melted away – in that moment there was nothing but Jace and Simon never wanted it to end. When it did, it was way too soon for Simon’s liking.

He couldn’t stand looking Jace in the eye afterwards, so he quickly turned around to head back to his chair. He caught the tail end of another look exchanged between Clary and Izzy and shook his head before flopping back down into his chair. All eyes were still on him, though, because it was his turn to choose who was next. “Uh, Maureen,” he said finally, “truth or dare?”

Simon didn’t really pay much attention as the game continued, he was too busy replaying the moment of Jace kissing him over and over again. It didn’t really mean anything – it couldn’t, not when it was brought about by a game designed by children as a tool to humiliate each other. He didn’t look up again, not until Jace was standing right in front of him, staring down at him expectantly.

“What?” Simon asked.

“Jace chose dare,” Alec filled him in, his voice bored, “and Clary gave him the same dare she gave you –”

“So stand up,” Jace interrupted, helping a dazed Simon to his feet.

Simon blinked numbly for a moment – there was no way this was happening. It was a dream. Jace wouldn’t possibly choose to kiss _him_. Not over Meliorn. Or Raj. Or any of the guys currently sitting in the circle.

But he had, and Simon felt his heart flutter as Jace took control and their lips met gently. The only thing going through Simon’s mind was Jace’s name – even after they pulled apart.

The fire got lower and lower until it was nothing but embers and Simon was still thinking about Jace. Part of him was convinced that it had been some kind of elaborate daydream, the other part kept wondering what it all meant. Did Jace _like_ him? Did he feel the same way Simon did?

‘ _No_ ,’ Simon rationalized. ‘ _There was no way Jace liked him back._ ’

 

**+ONE;**

Storm clouds hung overhead and thunder rumbled in the distance, barely noticeable over the thrum of the music inside. Simon could practically taste the humidity in the air as he took a deep breath, leaning his head back against the side of the house. He knew he was being ridiculous, but he needed a break from the noise and excitement inside. He wouldn’t admit it – not when his relationship with Jace had just gotten back to normal, or as close to what it had been before they’d kissed at Izzy’s party almost a year ago – but seeing Jace with someone else felt like a punch in the gut.

Clary didn’t understand – Simon didn’t think that she would. Everyone she’d ever had a crush on liked her back, things were easy for her when it came to love. She had just kind of fallen into her relationship with Izzy and they were already talking about moving in together after graduation next y ear. Her advice was always to be straightforward and just tell Jace the truth, which was the complete opposite of anything Simon would actually do.

He was just about to text Clary that he was leaving – last time he’d seen Clary, she and Isabelle had been holding hands and looking for a room where they could be alone, and he didn’t want to walk in on that again – when the door opened. Simon didn’t turn to see who it was until he heard them speak.

“Hey, Simon, I’ve been looking for you,” Jace said, clapping Simon’s shoulder jovially. He was grinning and his hair fell into his face in the way that Simon felt was an attack. “What are you doing out here? You’re missing the party.”

“I think I’m just gonna go,” Simon replied, stuffing his hands in his pockets and staring down at his shoes.

“What? Why?” Jace asked. He looked concerned, and Simon didn’t think that was fair, especially considering the fact that he’d come to this party with another guy.

“I’m just not into it, I guess. If you see Clary can you tell her I left?” Simon didn’t wait for a response before starting down the walk.

“Let me walk with you,” Jace said, following Simon to the sidewalk.

“Won’t Victor miss you?” Simon asked, unable to keep the jealousy out of his voice.

Jace stopped. “Is that what this is about?” He grabbed Simon’s arm and spun him around. “Is that why you’ve been so down tonight?”

“I… I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Simon lied, meeting Jace’s gaze for the first time since he’d come outside. Jace just stared at him, a disbelieving expression on his face and Simon could feel himself cracking.

“What do you want me to say?” Simon finally blurted out. “That I’m jealous, that I love you, that I’ve thought about kissing you every day since Izzy’s birthday party that–”

“You love me?” Jace interrupted, his voice softer than Simon had ever heard it before.

Simon could feel the weight of Jace’s eyes on him and his face burned. “I, well, I…” Simon stuttered. “Maybe. But I know that you don’t feel the same way and that’s totally–”

Jace interrupted Simon again, this time by pressing their lips together gently. Simon was surprised at first, but quickly melted into it. He let himself lean against Jace, whose hand was carefully cupping his cheek.

“I love you, too,” Jace murmured after he pulled away.

Simon eagerly kissed Jace again, all the desperation and want that had built up inside of him crashing free. His hands were tangled in Jace’s hair when a loud clap of thunder sounded overhead and the rain started to fall in fat drops. “We should probably go inside,” he suggested, turning to go back towards the house.

“Not so fast,” Jace grinned, pulling Simon close to him. They locked eyes for a moment, their foreheads touching, just sharing each other’s space. The next thing Simon knew they were kissing again – and not because of a ridiculous dare or spin the bottle.

It took a moment, but Simon realized that he’d been wrong the entire time. _Jace actually loved him back._

**Author's Note:**

> I'm bad at titles, but I hope you enjoyed! If you did, please leave a comment/kudos and I'll love you forever!!


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